忠言: 好好经营你的30-47岁 ~ 杨澜

今早,在脸书看到一则生活稿。 这份稿的作者是杨澜, 诉说着我们要怎样好好经营我们的30-47岁的岁月。

读了之后,觉得对于暂时迷失的人,它能是个很好的提醒 – 提醒着我们不要在继续迷失或堕落,赶紧找回方向,继续前进。

个人感言:读了虽然没有大彻大悟,但还是有一言惊醒梦中人的感觉。 希望能把这份感觉维持得久一点。在这里, 想把它与大家分享。

[生活] 杨澜:好好经营你的30-47

1、学会成熟

1、这个年龄已经不允许你不成熟,当你无力把握命运中的某种爱,某种缘,某种现实,学会放手。给自己身心一个全新的开始,只要信心在,勇气就在;努力在,成功就在。

2 、储蓄友谊

真挚的友谊是人生最温暖的一件外套。它是靠你的人品和性情打造的,在这个年龄一定要好好地珍惜它,用心去储存。

3 、播种善良

一定要极尽自己所能及之事,让那些比你苦、比你难的人感受到这世上的阳光和美丽。这样的善良常常是播种,不意间,就会开出最美丽的人性之花来。

4 、懂得音乐

音乐可以陶冶情操,它会洗涤你的身心。会打开你的记忆和想象,全心地投入,更会给你带来意想不到的宁静。它是日子中的味精,点点滴滴中让我们的生活有了滋味。

5 、避开两种苦

尘间有两苦,一是得不到之苦,二是钟情之苦。在你付诸努力的前提下,所有的、想得到的都当作一场赌。胜之坦然;败之淡然。好在这年龄还具有一定的资本,我们可以卷土重来。世间最苦是钟情,如果在这时候还有这样的情愫,一定要象打扫灰尘一样,把它从心屋里清出去。

6 、学会承受

有些事情需要无声无息地忘记,经过一次,就长一次智慧;有些苦痛和烦恼需要默默地去承受;历炼一次;丰富一次。

7 、保留感恩的心

感恩的心一定要时时保留,它不仅让你怜惜一沙一石、一草一枝,还会让你淡漠某种无形的压力,平抚你的欲望和争斗,更多的时候,有一些幸福的感觉也往往来自于此。

8 、热爱工作

尽管它决没有喝茶、聊天儿那样惬意,但它检验着我们的智慧和能力,是我们体现价值和成就所必备一种内容。一定要全心爱它,它让你大半生有事做、有饭吃。

9 、善于学习

读书和学习都是在和智慧聊天,它不仅保证你的记忆力、感悟力。你的有些思想来源于此,有些见解来源于此。并且还能医愚,还会长久地保持你的个性魅力,这是练瑜珈做美容所不能达到的效果,何乐而不为。

10 、享受运动

很多人认为自己胖、自己丑…于是,就有人拚命地节食减肥、手术美容。你的大部分时间与其就浪费在这样的情况下,不如去享受运动、享受自然。你的体重就不会因懒惰而上涨,你的容貌也不会因岁月而减少生动。那么你就在某种程度上保存住了你的青春,你的快乐,你的健康。等老了,和心爱的人一起,找一个小镇,安静的住下,早上在巷口看太阳,晚上拄着拐棍敲夕阳…

离开一个地方,风景就不再属于你;错过一个人,那人便再与你无关。人生就是这样,牵挂着、烦恼着、自由着、限制着;走出一段路程,回头一望,却也生动着、美丽着;有着你爱的人和爱你的人,有着你喜欢的事和需要你做的事,有着牵挂你的人和你牵挂着的人;

人这一辈子是短暂的,所以要让自己健康着、开心着、幸福着,偶尔还要醉着。幸福,就是找一个温暖的人过一辈子。人生就应如此。

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Living life, better.

In the blink of an eye, we’ve now come to yet another new year. Welcome to 2013, ladies and gentlemen, the year I’m going to turn 30.

Do I feel like I’m 30? No, not really.

But how exactly is being 30 suppose to feel like? I imagine it’s feeling all grown up, always knowing what to do in all situations, always feeling tired since folks at 30 supposedly don’t have stamina like younger people, especially when it comes to nights out.

Hmmm.

Nah, not really.

But now, I find myself wanting to do all sorts of ridiculous things that I had never done, not even when I was a teenager.

I was always the sensible teenager – the one with a good head on her shoulders, they said. In my younger days, I’ve skipped over several phases of life such as idol-chasing, skipping school…can’t think of anymore now.

However, I now find myself indulging in a youth fallacy.

Not too long ago, someone introduced me to a Korean variety show, Running Man (RM). Initially, the overall concept of the show sounded really lame (adults tearing off each others’ name tags). But, after I’ve watched a couple of episodes, I was hooked.

The overall concept described above was still correct, however, what made the show thoroughly entertaining was the RM cast. Their live commentary, their banter on show proved more than sufficient to overcome the language barrier, enticing me to become a fan.

It was through this variety show that I came to know Kim Jong Kook. Great singer, good entertainer and, based on the RM show, he seems to be someone with wits and good values. Doesn’t hurt that he looks cute and (ahem) strong too.

It’s been a long time since I’ve been so taken with someone and his works.

This interest has also motivated me to want to pick up a new language skill (Hangul) to better understand the overall K-culture, conversations and also, to better appreciate his works. In my recent trip to Korea, I’ve also purposefully went out in search of his albums.

The above, to you, may not seem like anything wild.

But to me, it’s the most I’ve done that’s closest to idol-chasing.

Some say it’s an attempt to cling on to younger years. Others say it’s a reaction to some recent major changes in my life.

I say that it’s just me throwing off some of the stringent controls I’ve placed on myself for so many years to indulge and live a little….within reasonable limits.

This year, I’m not sure if I want to set resolutions. Maybe just one.

I want to live my life, better.

Fighting!

Proud of Your Decisions?

We make decisions everyday.

Sometimes, we find ourselves at a cross-road in this process, especially when the decision is a particularly hard one – do we do what we think is right (according to our personal values/logic)? But what if that option’s fraught with challenges and hence, so much more difficult to execute? Or do we do what’s the easiest or most efficient (which may not be necessarily wrong – depending on perspective)? Or do we do what will benefit us the most?

Very often, there’s no clear-cut, ten-year-series answers to such difficult questions and it’s really more of a judgment call. How then do you make the decision?

I came across this two-part YouTube video about a boy, Ben Breedlove, who died on Christmas Day after fighting a serious heart condition for most of his life. Shortly before his death, he posted a two-part video on YouTube, in which he silently describes his life and several near-death experiences through cue cards.

After watching the video, one thing stayed with me. When he was near the verge of death, he thought about the way he led his life and he was proud of how he did it.

Sometimes, some of us tend to over-analyse our problems, but ultimately, perhaps the litmus test should be… would this be a decision that we would be proud of when we look back five, ten or even twenty years down the road.

I thought this video was worth sharing and I hope you’ll gain some perspective from it as well.

Minimise regrets, before it’s too late.

Came across this article on the top five regrets that people have on their deathbeds, based on a palliative care nurse’s personal experience.

Nurse reveals the top 5 regrets people make on their deathbed | Arise India Forum

For many years I worked in palliative care. My patients were those who had gone home to die. Some incredibly special times were shared. I was with them for the last three to twelve weeks of their lives. People grow a lot when they are faced with their own mortality.
I learnt never to underestimate someone’s capacity for growth. Some changes were phenomenal. Each experienced a variety of emotions, as expected, denial, fear, anger, remorse, more denial and eventually acceptance. Every single patient found their peace before they departed though, every one of them.

When questioned about any regrets they had or anything they would do differently, common themes surfaced again and again. Here are the most common five:

1. I wish I’d had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me.
This was the most common regret of all. When people realize that their life is almost over and look back clearly on it, it is easy to see how many dreams have gone unfulfilled. Most people had not honoured even a half of their dreams and had to die knowing that it was due to choices they had made, or not made.

It is very important to try and honour at least some of your dreams along the way. From the moment that you lose your health, it is too late. Health brings a freedom very few realise, until they no longer have it.

2. I wish I didn’t work so hard.
This came from every male patient that I nursed. They missed their children’s youth and their partner’s companionship. Women also spoke of this regret. But as most were from an older generation, many of the female patients had not been breadwinners. All of the men I nursed deeply regretted spending so much of their lives on the treadmill of a work existence.

By simplifying your lifestyle and making conscious choices along the way, it is possible to not need the income that you think you do. And by creating more space in your life, you become happier and more open to new opportunities, ones more suited to your new lifestyle.

3. I wish I’d had the courage to express my feelings.
Many people suppressed their feelings in order to keep peace with others. As a result, they settled for a mediocre existence and never became who they were truly capable of becoming. Many developed illnesses relating to the bitterness and resentment they carried as a result.

We cannot control the reactions of others. However, although people may initially react when you change the way you are by speaking honestly, in the end it raises the relationship to a whole new and healthier level. Either that or it releases the unhealthy relationship from your life.

Either way, you win.

4. I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends.
Often they would not truly realise the full benefits of old friends until their dying weeks and it was not always possible to track them down. Many had become so caught up in their own lives that they had let golden friendships slip by over the years. There were many deep regrets about not giving friendships the time and effort that they deserved. Everyone misses their friends when they are dying.

It is common for anyone in a busy lifestyle to let friendships slip. But when you are faced with your approaching death, the physical details of life fall away. People do want to get their financial affairs in order if possible. But it is not money or status that holds the true importance for them. They want to get things in order more for the benefit of those they love. Usually though, they are too ill and weary to ever manage this task. It is all comes down to love and relationships in the end.
That is all that remains in the final weeks, love and relationships.

5. I wish that I had let myself be happier.
This is a surprisingly common one. Many did not realise until the end that happiness is a choice. They had stayed stuck in old patterns and habits. The so-called ‘comfort’ of familiarity overflowed into their emotions, as well as their physical lives. Fear of change had them pretending to others, and to their selves, that they were content. When deep within, they longed to laugh properly and have silliness in their life again. When you are on your deathbed, what  others think of you is a long way from your mind. How wonderful to be able to let go and smile again, long before you are dying.

Life is a choice. It is YOUR life. Choose consciously, choose wisely, choose honestly. Choose happiness.

Source: Arise India Forum

Reading the article, it seems like I can already identify with a few. As a reminder to myself to try to live life to the fullest on my terms instead of getting all caught up in the humdrum and rat-race, I’m posting this here and sharing it with you.

It isn’t easy to have no regrets, but we can try to minimise them as much as possible.

This used to be my playground

This used to be my playground…..

Playground0-A

Now, it’s being demolished, taking away the possibility of creating anymore future memories here.

A few nights back, I was on the way home from work where I stopped and stared in horror at the sight before my eyes. Amber construction-site tape and hazard barriers surrounded the playground below my block…and half of the playground structure has already been demolished by the evil-looking excavator.

Shocked. Horrified. Sad.

That playground held many memories for me.

Not so much for my childhood as compared to my teenage years.

I’ve sat there at night with friends, catching up, talking through problems or just chatting about anything under the stars.

I’ve sat there with dates to steal that last conversation before saying goodbye for the night.

I’ve sat there by myself, thinking through issues or just to get away from things to have a little time alone.

I’ve sat there trying to catch my breath and not cramp up in agony after evening runs.

The playground has seen me through happy times, heart-throbbing times, the sad or even emo/depressing times when I were alot younger and thought that the world was coming to an end because of some adolescent problem that I had.

And now, with nary a warning, the place has been torn down. Just like that.

It’s really quite upsetting.

Right now, there’s a song that keeps running through my head. It has always been a old favourite of mine, especially with the sentimental, haunting way that she sang it. And the things that the lyrics taught me.

But now, it more than strikes a cord with how I feel…

Letters From Our Old Self; To Our Future Self

.memories.growing-up.me.

One of my friends shared an interesting piece of article on Facebook – Keeping a diary or even blogging can be sometimes viewed as tiresome and time-consuming, especially for children or young adults. To overcome this, a mom set up different email addresses to encourage her kids to write to themselves. This way, they can share and record their current thoughts, experiences or even feelings in an easy and convenient way for future reflection.

Indeed, I thought this was an ingenious way to promote journal-writing in a fuss-free manner that might very well appeal to folks with short attention span, or who are extremely short on time.

Just that day, while I was clearing out some of my old stuff, I found my old diaries and journals (these were written way before blogging existed and where the dial-up Internet connection with the machine-alien-sounding noise was considered a luxury). I sat down and flipped through the books, reading what I’ve written with joy or tears in so many years past. Looking back, it seemed like so many of my old worries were so silly, insignificant and uncalled for. Others were downright ridiculous – what was I thinking about then, really?

This exercise has made me realised how much I’ve changed and progressed. It also reinforced the thinking that we are, indeed, capable of surviving and even overcoming many barriers which initially seemed overwhelming or impossible back then. Even painful or unhappy memories fade and dissolve in time.

I believe they call this growing up.

This is, however, only part of the journey and there seems to be some more growing up to do as we go along. Perhaps – one day twenty years later – I’ll look back at this place and again, laugh with my old self at how beautifully foolish I was. We’ll see.

Spontaneous writing.

Spontaneous writing

Have been putting off writing this post for the longest time, because I was too busy trying to think about how I should format my 2011 resolutions as opposed to actually penning them down.

The same could be said for many of my other posts (that I’ve constructed in my head, but never materialized) because of the ‘logistical’ challenges such picture editing etc. Too often I’ve created a picture of how it should be like in my head, so much so that if I’m not able to replicate that here, I rather not do it at all. That is one of the many reasons for the prevalent silence in this space.

Looking back in 2010, I’ve created a measly eight posts here.

EIGHT!

And that’s really depressing because it makes me feel like my life in 2010 has just slipped by into…emptiness. Although I know that’s not the case, because if I really took the time to reflect, I’ll recollect events which have brought much joy, laughter, fun and love. I’m just annoyed that I didn’t write them down somewhere – What if these memories start to fade away? What if I forgot the feelings associated with those times?

So this year, I shall strive to be more spontaneous in my writing.

Write when I feel like it, and no, the post doesn’t have to be picture perfect with that picture in a precise 0.2cm white and black border with a watermark that’s placed suitably 0.5cm away from the borders.

Here goes the first of 2011 resolutions.

World’s looking back on 2010

After every Christmas, we look forward to ushering in the brand new year that’s filled with endless possibilities.

I’ve always personally felt that, in order to move forward, we must first examine the past. No, not to engage in self-reproach or wallow in previous spills, but to review the events and see what we have done well, what we could have done better, and apply these realizations to the new year.

Time provides one of the best distances, allowing us to better look at past events in a more objective manner, allowing us to be more truthful to ourselves.

Before I turn the examining lens to my 2010, let’s see this from a wider perspective – globally. Here’s an interesting video from Google, which nicely sums up the world’s year in under three minutes.

Reminding ourselves of the major happenings that occurred this year. Victories celebrated, challenges conquered, lessons learnt and passings mourned.

And then, we move forward.

Happy 45th, Singapore.

Happy birthday, Singapore.

You’ve done well for yourself thus far, and I sincerely hope that we can become even better for the next 45 years.

Just like any other relationships, I do not think that you’re perfect. You have many aspects that I dislike, and even detest at times, however, you’ve also many fantastic qualities that played critical roles in my growing-up years. Thank you for the safe and stable environment, and sound infrastructure that you’ve provided. I hope that we can continue to improve and enhance our society to become a place where our citizens can all truly feel at home here.

Since it’s our 45th birthday, I thought it might be fun to commemorate this special occasion by highlighting 45 10 things that are uniquely Singapore. (Alright, 45 is just too challenging for a lone task. Contributions anyone?)

1. Singlish

Defined by Wiki as “Singlish, sometimes known in the academic community as Singapore Colloquial English, is an English-based creole language spoken in Singapore“.

For those who want to mingle in with the local crowd, here’s a “useful” guide (just for laughs please):

Singlish much?

Image source: Post entitled “Fly lice, anyone? The love-hate relationship with Singlish” by NLB blog

On a more serious note, the widespread use of Singlish has always been a topic of contention. Supporters take the usage of this self-made language with a pinch of salt, and highlight it as something that’s truly made in Singapore (as opposed to inheriting and localizing a tradition from other regions), while others feel that the use of Singlish is eroding the standard of English language locally. Personally, I’m more aligned to the former. As long as people still maintain their good command of language, and understand when and where it is appropriate to use the different types of languages, I don’t see why Singlish should be discriminated. At the very least, it helps to build a certain level of camaraderie among fellow countrymen, whether here or overseas.

2. Local delicacies, including Chili Crab, Char Kuey Teow, Laksa, Bakuteh

Besides an obvious cultural mishmash, our multiracial population has also given rise to some very exciting mix of cuisine here – Chinese, Cantonese, Teochew, Indian, Japanese (you name it) etc.

Some famous must-try local fare, that even local Singaporeans crave for when they go abroad for extended period, include cholesterol-laden Char Kuey Teow, which has juicy plump cockles (yum yum), Laksa (with the cockles again!), Chili Crab with small, deep fried man-tous, and aromatic Bakuteh (perfect after some hard partying).

Personal favorite picks (imho):

  • Char Kuey Teow: They say Old Airport Road’s hawker centre is good for this, but I’ve not tried it personally. Recommendations welcomed.
  • Laksa: Queensway Shopping Centre – Cheap and good! Get the additional otah as well, perfect companion.
  • Chili Crab (any sort of crabs actually!): Melban at Serangoon, Mister Crab at Ghim Moh
  • Bakuteh: Opposite Central Shopping Centre (at Clarke Quay). Haven’t tried this one personally too, but it’s packing in the crowds, so ought to be good?

Do let me know if you’ve other recommendations on the above, or if you’ll like to help me expand the list.

3. Almost-singular party

Our MIW. ‘Nuff said.

4. National campaigns for everything from family planning to promoting good verbal skills

In 1970s, we had “Stop at Two”, to “Clean & Green” and moving on to the more recent “Speak Good English”, we are definitely goal-oriented, and are highly focused and extremely structured in trying to achieve our objectives – for about anything. 🙂

5. Harmonious melting pot of different ethnic groups sporting multiple languages

Walk along the street, whether in CBD, Orchard, Chinatown, Little India etc, and keep a keen ear out. You’ll probably pick up a myriad of languages and dialects from English, Mandarin, Malay, Tamil to Hokkien, Cantonese, Hainanese etc. Where else do you get all of these on such a tiny island?

6. Enthusiastic pursuit of being world’s “first”s or “best”s in many aspects

We also seem to have a fascination in breaking world records, or winning the world’s best [insert item here]. Changi Airport, “World’s best airport for [insert years here]”, has been one of our greatest pride and joy. Other records that Singapore has achieved include having the largest group participation of country line dancing, world’s fastest text messenger and making the largest mosaic from collected plastic bottles. Oh well.

7.Seemingly ridiculous housing prices

Despite the recent BTO launches, it seems like HDB prices are still going through the roof (no pun intended). A quick check on PropertyGuru, Singapore’s leading property site (according to their website), a 2-bedroom HDB flat in Telok Blangah might set you back by more than SGD800K. It was also recently reported (26 July 2010) that HDB resale prices have set a record high in Singapore. Die lah, how to have a home next time? 😦

8. Chewing gum ban

We’re famous for this! Just Google it.

9. Love for shopping, food and technology (especially gadgets and electronics)

Our shopping districts are world-famous, we have new malls popping up every other month (or so it seems), almost our entire Orchard Road is shadowed by tall shopping centers that flank both sides of the street. According to Uncyclopedia, there are 2.1 million shopping malls in Singapore, or nearly one for every two citizens.

As for technology, it is pretty much self-explanatory – there are PC/electronic fairs held every quarter, and almost every show is packed to the brim with Singaporeans scouring to get the best deals for their laptops, smartphones, lcds, blu-ray player etc.

10. Queuing for Hello Kitty (A typical classic; old but good)

Until now, I still can’t understand why there was such a craze over the mouth-less cat in the past. Why?

***

Was giving this a little more thought – Right now, I’m pretty sure that one of the key issues that citizens are grappling with revolves around the issue of “foreign talents (FT)”. I think many are feeling a little displaced and unsure of what the future will be like, as the ratio of FTs:locals continues to spiral upwards. Taking this into consideration, perhaps it might have been more apt to select Kit Chan’s “Home” as our theme song to promote citizens’ sense of belonging to our home country, no?

Or maybe, I’m just bias as “Home” remains one of my favorite National Day songs. To me, the song, especially the lyrics (in both English and Chinese versions) come across as heartfelt, sincere and not the least pretentious.

For those of you that like it as much as I do, here you go again. 🙂

Painfully Famous

We’ve seen a slew of celebrity-linked scandals recently, from Canto pop stars, famous international golfers, and well-known local acts. And it’s almost impossible to not hear about them, given that each such scandal hogged the media’s headlines for, at least, several days. I suspect they have also fueled many conversations in pantries, over water coolers, and at dinner tables.

Amidst all the negative publicity, public outcry and some PR-driven explanations and apologies, it seems like there are rather divided views on whether these incidents should merit this much attention, and if uninvolved third parties, like the general public, should be passing their individual judgments openly on these issues.

“Leave them alone”

Some are of the view that people should just leave these scandal-tainted celebrities alone. They’re just humans who are prone to mistakes, and who are we to judge them? They shouldn’t need to ‘answer’ to the public about their private matters, and should have the freedom to overcome this issue privately, on their own terms, at their own time, exercising their personal discretion.

“You have done us wrong”

Others feel that as celebrities, they are responsible for their actions, even towards the public, including their fans, supporters and viewers.

From the support their fans have shown them, they’ve enjoyed many privileges and benefits by riding on their fame. In turn, they have to live up to their projected image towards these groups of audience. Should they falter, it’s a mistake that they must apologize for, explain and rectify.

Personally, I’m leaning towards the latter view, especially for celebrities who have been constantly pushing/selling more ‘family-oriented’ and ‘responsible’ types of images.

I recognize that they’re no saints and hence, are susceptible to erroneous judgments, but while they have enjoyed the sweet endorsement deals that came along when brands wanted to associate themselves with their projected image, they should have also expected that they’ll need to pay more dearly when they fall from grace, no?

Fame is a double-edged sword.