i looked through my hall pictures all over again.
right from the time when i was a freshman…up til i was a final year senior in hall.
as i scanned through the pictures, i came across some taken during my freshman orientation.
i looked terrible them, bare-faced coupled with a horrible hairstyle. okay, not exactly horrible, but terribly o-biang, can?
although most of us looked much worse back then, but i saw the way i was smiling in the picture. it was a carefree and genuine smile that radiated joy. i smiled like i meant it and so did the rest.
looking at it brought a smile to my lips now… as i could still remember the silly things we did.
but this joy quickly turned into sorrow…as it dawned upon me that those days are gone, so far gone that i can never experience it again.
within a timespan of less than a minute, the smile died on my lips, leaving misty eyes.
i know i keep talking about my hall days, because i realize that those were the days of innocence, of being carefree, of being real.
stepping out into the working society and into my present office, going to work seemed like entering upon a battlefield. instead of artillery and swords, we have hurtful words, lousy attitudes and back-stabbing knives.
is all that really necessary? it’s not as if a million dollars is at stake, you know?
i’m so tired of listening to people bitch about one another, witnessing how people try to outdo each other through all sort of devious means, of having to look over my shoulder all the time in fear.
i’m not saying i can’t live with this. i’m not saying that i can’t deal with this realistic society.
but it just makes me so fucking tired.
i’m so tired of being realistic, of being practical, of being careful, of being cynical.
i just want to be that little girl that stays in a beautiful garden with all her good friends sometimes.
do you understand?