feeling the blues

i looked through my hall pictures all over again.

right from the time when i was a freshman…up til i was a final year senior in hall.

as i scanned through the pictures, i came across some taken during my freshman orientation.

i looked terrible them, bare-faced coupled with a horrible hairstyle. okay, not exactly horrible, but terribly o-biang, can?

although most of us looked much worse back then, but i saw the way i was smiling in the picture. it was a carefree and genuine smile that radiated joy. i smiled like i meant it and so did the rest.

looking at it brought a smile to my lips now… as i could still remember the silly things we did.

but this joy quickly turned into sorrow…as it dawned upon me that those days are gone, so far gone that i can never experience it again.

within a timespan of less than a minute, the smile died on my lips, leaving misty eyes.

i know i keep talking about my hall days, because i realize that those were the days of innocence, of being carefree, of being real.

stepping out into the working society and into my present office, going to work seemed like entering upon a battlefield. instead of artillery and swords, we have hurtful words, lousy attitudes and back-stabbing knives.

is all that really necessary? it’s not as if a million dollars is at stake, you know?

i’m so tired of listening to people bitch about one another, witnessing how people try to outdo each other through all sort of devious means, of having to look over my shoulder all the time in fear.

i’m not saying i can’t live with this. i’m not saying that i can’t deal with this realistic society.

but it just makes me so fucking tired.

i’m so tired of being realistic, of being practical, of being careful, of being cynical.

i just want to be that little girl that stays in a beautiful garden with all her good friends sometimes.

do you understand?


3 thoughts on “feeling the blues

  1. those were the days I agree. Right from the day 1 during orientation when I don’t know any of u besides bean n ppl from my OG. Recalling the time at yunnan garden where we were playing some stupid water gun game and bobo is partnered wif guoxing n he was teasing her abt being jolin tsai or something… to the time when we had camp fire at ubin.. to dialect debate when i was up there being ‘made fun of’… to the time when we lived in 27, all the birthday celebrations, cake smashing, water throwing, running rd the hall, taking water hose, exam stress n declaring kel’s bday every night… waking up early to go n watch IH soccer even though its 8am in the morning, gg to watch water polo even!!! cny house visiting, jumping ard 8 houses if i recall correctly n all the stomping in to canteen 5 for dinner in grps of 10 over. I’m sure everyone will agree yr 1 is our best hall days..

    but reality check, memories will always be memories. I suppose we hv to accept tt truth.

    now working, things are different. environment where u r at, u might hv to learn to become a porcupine, with thorns on u to protect urself against any malicious attack that can come along the way. However we hv to acknowledge tt it is part n parcel of life. My opinion is that bad things happen but it’s the attitude that you carry to face them. One may argue tt, sure, u can be positive abt even the worst happenings but how long can u sustain? Well I suppose its the path u choose. If I choose to be positive and stay happy, I can. I don’t need to be so bothered about how others view me, say abt me, judge me. May judgement be upon them then. I mean I can only do wat I’m able to, comfortable with. If that is not good enough for them, so be it? Mouths are theirs, minds are theirs. I can’t manipulate them to change, no way. So in such cases, y bother then?

    Cold hard truth, in the working world everyone juz wans to go up the corporate ladder. But to me, so long ur conscience is clear and u know for sure u hv done ur best. Leave the rest to whatever may come. What’s meant to be will be.

    Well seems like i’m bloggin here. haha. but I really treasure the frenship we hv built over the yrs. No matter wat happens, I hope, from the deep deep ocean deep bottom of my heart that nothing changes this. NOTHING! all the nanyang lake, late night chats, dinners at ah fang, overseas trips, care n concern we show for each other have brought us closer together. I feel that it can only be better n not worse. It’s a choice we have in our hands so choose the way u wan to live ur life and enjoy. life’s short! ha.

    P.S. if u wan to view no nd to view photos la.. view the mtv we made even better. got hall 4 7788’s members, dan fei hou, 2 of them coming back together n sing a number for u. ;p

  2. I dun miss hall.. i jus miss slackin. =( working is crap cos you can’t skip them like lectures. THAT’S WHY we dun have genuine smiles anymore.
    but fortunately, we have MC!! that’s bound to bring a genuine carefree smile back to ur face (provided u r jus chaokeng-ing n not really very sick).
    Innocent we may not be anymore, but there’s no nd to lose the smile.
    Smile Bobo! Smile everyone!

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