weekends to me are like water to a person struggling to survive in the dry hot desert.
it enables me to survive.
another weekend has just passed me by and i’m glad to say that i’ve spent it with much gusto and fun, catching the world cup and singing at the usual joint.
amist all the joy and laughter, i realise a small part of my sky is overcast. darky and stormy clouds loom in that little portion, threatening to spill over if i can’t control it well.
in the past, i’ve always thought of myself as a strong person. friends in my past can testify to that because i’m the one that they pour out their woes to, i’m the one they can depend on to give them a logical, reasonable, practical and realistic solution. this was because my head could rule my heart.
however, as i grew older, i realise the voice of my head is gradually diminishing and the voice from the heart has grown in importance and volume, resulting in clouded judgement and many decisions that might be….unwise.
i’m not too sure why this happened. maybe at some point in my past life, i felt that i was missing out. missing out on alot of new adventures and experiences because i was too logical and played it too safe. and maybe then, i resolved that i shall throw caution to the wind and go where my heart brings me.
i must have done that very well. so well that now, it has gone just a little beyond my control.
i realise that i’m weak, by my own standards. in my dictionary, weakness is defined as not being able to totally control how you want to feel and act. yes, total control. that means that i can tell myself what to feel, what to not feel, what to do, and what not to do.
yes, i’ve identified the problem and also the corresponding solution. what i need to do now, will be to execute the solution.
and that is what i will try to do.
if i can’t achieve it thoroughly, i need to at least achieve it at the most superficial level where i can give the world the impression that i am not weak. not weak! you understand!
*cue to play I Will Survive song*
tee hee hee.
anyway, every cloud has its silver lining, so let’s move on to happier stuff. let me start by counting my recent blessings.
i’ve met a great group of friends. i’ve strengthened and deepened my friendship with one very dear friend, at least in my opinion, and i hope she feels the same way too! i’ve learnt more about soccer. i’ve had a thrilling moment.
see, my silver lining is actually….quite thick! so i shouldn’t complain.
there might be overcast skies, but we must try to have faith. faith that the sun will always appear and there will be gloomy skies no more.