Have you ever thought of how do you define friendships? What does your friendships mean to you? Do they just mean having kakis for doing everyday things like having meals and going out to play or do they mean more to you than that?

To me, i regard friendships as a wondrous gift granted to me by the other party and God. I sought to cherish every one of my friends. For people whom i think are my good friends, i would without hesitation help them to the best of my ability. Consistency and loyalthy are characteristics that i prize most in a friendship. However, through a hard and painful lesson taught to me by a person which i’ve considered to be one of my good friends, i realized that i am a fool. A fool for caring so much, a fool for being prepared to help out a friend even at the expense of sacrificing certain things. To them, the idea of their friendship might be just looking for playmates to have fun with but in worse or inconvenient times, it was every man for himself. Facing with such a situation, i felt trapped. On one hand, i really do cherish this good friend and cannot bear the thought of losing him. However, on the other hand, his perception of friendships seemed to adhere to the saying of “for better, and not for worse”. In a unbalanced relationship/friendship, the party that cares more and thus invests more efforts and feelings into the friendship would undoubtedly be at the mercy of the other party. Her feelings, moods and even emotions can be easily swinged by just a mere action from the other party. In worse situations where the an incident would reveal the glaring differences between the perceptions of friendships by both parties, the party that invests more would undoubtedly be hurt. What more if “Friendship” was ranked highly in importance of that person’s value list.

Anger, pain and tears are one’s greatest teachers. They would force you to come face-to-face with the harsh reality, giving you a jolt in where it would hurt most. When dealt with such a cold slap in the face and forceful pain, one can’t help but fall. And only through falls can you abandon your previous ideals, start to build a fortress to fortify yourself against future possible pain or to adopt new values that would not make one so vulnerable.

This is what my brain tells me but my heart is struggling, struggling to free itself from the grabbing roots of pain so as to avoid being drowned in the ocean of harsh realities. Because drowning would cause tremendous pain in its process which the spirit might not be able to withstand, resulting in a broken spirit.


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