my love affair with roses

note: this is a backdated post

roses have always been highly sought-after as it is the ultimate symbol of love, especially in the victorian times where the flower has inspired many famous poets and playwrights such as william shakespeare in their literary works.

an ardent fan of literature works based on the victorian times, it would come as no surprise that roses will be my favorite flowers too. to be specific, red roses.

the fiery red color signifies burning passion that threatens to scald the bearer, in contrast to its tender petals that feel like silk to the touch. this blatant contrast seems to hold a special attraction for me.

anyhow, the point of this post -

thank you for this.

as much as i loved the flowers, it was more the thought and effort that you’ve went through to find out that these were my favorites that touched me more.

Protected: Phantom of the Opera - Part II

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Phantom of the Opera

The scene was set in January when we decided that we will watch the Phantom of the Opera together in April.

I’ve always been mesmerised by the story of the Phantom of the Opera.

Dark, mysterious, painful and romantic, the storyline has captivated my heart long ago even before I’ve watched it in motion in any form, be it a movie or musical.

When the movie came to town in the past, I’ve watched it immediately. Despite being a commercial film, the show deeply moved me. It was not so much about the actors, the quality of the movie or even the singing, it was the storyline.

Watching the musical itself, with flesh and blood actors…just made it even more enthralling.

The Phantom - The dark mysterious character that had to live his whole life behind the shield of a mask.

Despite having endured torturing loneliness for most of his life and facing rejection from the world, he had the capacity to love Christina so deeply. That, in itself, is a remarkable trait. With his overpowering chrisma and charm, he tugged at my heart strings so. As I saw him battle the pain of rejection and a lost love, it was almost as if I could feel it myself - the wrenching pain in the heart that made it difficult to breathe, the suffocating sensation whereby life seemed to have collapsed upon you.

Don’t you remember the feeling?

Most will probably call me stupid. It’s just a musical afterall. A fragment of imagination of an artistic mind.

But I can’t help but to be deeply affected. It felt like reality and fantasy had fused into one…I was transported so far beyond into the story.

The grandeur, the pain, the passion and the love. I was simply swept away.

Words cannot describe how I felt…Even now as I think back, I could still feel the story so vividly that I can feel the tremours within me.

Only one word can describe the experience - magical.

And it wasn’t just the musical itself that made it so.

The whole night seemed like a fantasy… and it was one magical fantasy that I hope didn’t have to end.

But all good things come to an end and when you’re so high up, there’s no where to go but down.

Now, let the pain begin.

St. Valentine’s Day

It’s been a long time since I’ve blogged. Feeble as it may sound, work and friends have really been taking up all of my time.

So many events have passed, without a trace of a word or entry. Christmas…New Year…and now, it’s Valentine’s Day.

Valentine’s day - a day to celebrate your love for your significant other. It’s supposed to be a day of love and happiness, of showing how you feel towards the one your heart strings are tugged to. However, why does it seem to be causing so much grief amidst the singles and the attached?

Single people feel especially vulnerable while attached people bemoan about having to plan and prepare to surprise and delight their loved ones. So no matter which side of the fence you fall on, it’s a lose-lose situation.

It has only been half a day, and I’ve heard more than enough grouses just because of this Valentine’s day. It really irks and saddens me at the same time.

Yes, being single myself, I do understand the ‘peer pressure’ and envy that one might feel while looking at all the lovey-dovey couples on the street. I’ve gone through that phrase myself too. But, upon taking one step back, I realised that how you feel regarding V-day really depends on your mindset. You call the shots.

V-day’s really just another day. Treat it as such, and you’ll be fine.

Take it from me!

On a side note, to all my beloved friends:

Happy Valentine’s Day. Know that I will always love you, even when I’m overly caught up in work. I’ve always kept you where you ought to be - in my mind, and my heart.

Seasons’ Greetings

here’s wishing all of you…a very merry christmas.

it has been raining almost non-stop recently.

no wonder they say god is fair. when we don’t get snow, we get rain.

once again, merry christmas everybody. may all peace and love be unto you.

Smiling faces

After a long while, I decided to log into my ancient yahoo email account to find 963 new emails waiting to be opened.

And a good one-fifth of them were sent from Friendster.

On impulse, I decided to log onto my Friendster account and scanned through my entire list of acquaintances and friends. Looking at all their pictures, I realise that I haven’t even met or talked to some of these people for years.

Despite our non-contact, I decided to clink upon a few names - people that I recall vaguely from my past. Reading through their profiles, blogs and sneaking peeks into their photo galleries, I remembered the times that I’ve spent together with these guys and girls in my youth.

Looking at their smiling faces in their photographs brought a smile to my lips. Group photographs, couple pictures and candid shots…with different faces in the midst of varying activities but all had one factor in common.

They all radiated happiness.

And I’m glad for them.

I realised that we might not need to be in touch, but knowing that an acquaintance or friend is healthy, fine and doing well… sometimes, that’s enough.

Friendster has done its job, for me at least.

Take care my friends.

the one about the last one

the last person of my hall clique has just moved out of hall. that put a full stop to my previous hall life as i will no longer have any reason to go back to that place that is filled with such joyous memories.

i was chatting with one of my close hall friends, YJ, and something he said struck me very deeply.

when the 3-year course people were moving out of hall, namely people in the accountancy and business course, the remaining of our hall friends were saddened just like we were. i remembered that i had cried buckets over the thought of leaving behind my hall life. as we were packing and putting everything in boxes, i could literally see all the previous scenes of my experiences in hall right in front of my eyes. it was heartbreaking.

but just as the world continues to spin, time will not stop for you and me. i said my last goodbyes to my room and to my beloved hallmates and left the place with much lingering gaze.

a year has passed and although i still think of my hall days with much fondness and mayhap a little sadness, i’m glad to say that most of my hall friends are still bonded quite strongly and that is a strong consolation.

now, it’s their turn to pack up and leave. just like us, they did it with much sorrow…maybe lesser compared to us since there were nobody to say goodbye to, nobody to leave behind and as ridiculous as it sounds, i felt a tinge of sadness too.

for this signifies the last of our hall days and puts a stop to any possibility of us going back to hall to relive our old days.

YJ said,” when you all were leaving, all of us were sad. now that we’re leaving and although some of you have moved on for a year, you still feel so strongly the loss. that really say something about what we’ve gained here over the years, doesn’t it?”

yes, what i’ve gained in hall is priceless. living together with so many people, almost 24/7, have allowed a certain group of us to bond together…to develop that degree of friendship that is so beyond our reach sometimes.

if only i could turn back time and experience that all over again. if only.

i miss you, hall four. but more importantly, i miss the together-ness that i’ve felt when i was staying there.

goodbye and thank you for the memories.

a rainy day

it’s raining again. overcast skies, thunder and lightening, non-stop pouring of sleets of rainfall.

for some reason, the rain reminds me of you, surprisingly enough. i can’t help thinking how nice it will be for you to be around now, to give me warmth with your great hugs and make me feel safe despite the thunder roaring outside.

i really miss you with a kind of pain now. are you thinking of me as well?

the one about feeling younger

just got home at six in the morning. it has been a long time since i’ve had wild fun like this.

surprising, i still feel energetic inspite of the early hours that i’m keeping! does that mean that i’m getting younger? yay!

there have been many issues on my mind that i’ve wanted to write about, but sadly, i’ve had no time to think through most of them. i do need to think through my blog entries before i write, if not, those posts will make absolute-ly no sense..

devils is definitely fun on a friday. i’m sold. dbl o, u suck! (on fridays only) i havent been to any clubs that have beaten dbl o on a saturday. call me old fashioned, but the latest, most happening club, mos is not my cup of tea.

since it’s such an ungodly hour now and all my brain cells have gone into the hibernate mode, i shall blog about something brainless and absolutely bimbotic.

last week (or was it two weeks ago, i can’t remember), i had a strange dream. in the dream, i was at some club with a particular barfly. mind you, this barfly was someone i’m definitely not close to. not even remotely. but somehow or other, i was clubbing with him and was supposedly having the time of my life.

the next scene i remembered in my dream was when we were walking in some dark alley (supposedly en route to going home) when we turned into a corner. the most disgusting thing was, we were actually walking hand in hand. eeww..

anyway, that wasn’t even the worst part.

as we turned into the dark corner (it was a right turn in my dream), someone from the dark corner jumped up and grabbed me. he was a big black shape. he lifted me from the ground…and took off.

it was at this moment, i awoke. screaming.

***

this dream is so ridiculous that i didn’t know where to start.

okay, clubbing with barflies i can understand. but with this particular barfly, i can’t begin to understand why i was clubbing with him.

secondly, why am i walking anywhere with him hand in hand!?!? i swear, i havent even exchanged 20 sentences with him! just to add for anyone’s benefit, i certainly do not have a crush on him.

thirdly, why was i grabbed?!

stupid dream. luckily they say that dreams are opposites of reality, so i guess i will not club with this barfly ever, i will not go anywhere with him ever, and i will not get grabbed by big black shapes ever.

yay!

i should probably start writing a list of stuff that i’ve wanted to blog about because i realised that i’m starting to forget all of it.

now, that’s a thought.

it’s just a matter of trust

i posted this question to a friend of mine moments ago.

upon 1-10, how much do you trust me? (0-none, 10-absolute)

guess how much he rated me?

a whooppinggg 9. i’m so flattered. thank you.

***

the last week flew by so quickly, i could hardly remember what i did. i only recalled 2 of my weekday night. on one weekday night, i spent it in some relatively sleazy ktv pub, drinking with my ex-colleagues and their friends. i even learnt how to play american poker finally! yay! another night was thursday night, where i was at the old-usual hangout, wala wala.

haven’t been there for some time. the crowd hasn’t changed and neither had the music. it was quite good seeing some familiar-yet-distant faces again. but i think, the band and the hoegarden attracted me more.

somehow or rather, i’m not really in the mood to blog. tonight i can’t seem to capture my own mood. it’s floating away somewhere. i don’t really know what i’m thinking about or how i’m feeling.

something’s bothering me. i just can’t figure out what is it yet. once i’m in-tune with myself again, i will be able to know more.

***

i finally caught up with some of my other hallmates tonight, xj and jas. initially, i thought the meet-up might be awkward as we were never very close in our hall-days. however, i soon realise that it was quite fun to just catch up, to talk about our old days…and to dream about our futures.

and all was done over japanese food! yay! yummy!

***

regarding work, this industry is just so fucked up. i’m not sure if i can survive in here. even if i can, i’m quite afraid that i’ll become one of them (heaven forbid!).

nb lah.